Last year, I acquired a 365-day, 5-year journal. I ambitiously decided to chronicle my everyday life through stream of consciousness ramblings and observations. Alas, one paragraph for each day was not adequate. XANGA I MISS YOU COME BACK.
And so… this is my new space for musings, reviews, ideas, fitness journey, experiments in the kitchen, nursing school thoughts, and overall dispensary for anything I think about and want to share with family and friends.
Comprehensive March Update
After a couple weeks of anxiety and dealing with big life changes, my weight reached an all-time high: 178.2 pounds. Comparison: In December 2016, I weighed a slight 110 pounds. Neither of these weights are ideal. I could attempt to shift the blame onto my under-active thyroid, no longer working 12-hour shifts at the hospital, or trying a variety of medications to deal with insomnia (weight gain is a fun side effect). But that would take away the focus from what I need to do about it.
In the past, I tried quick fixes, smoothies and shakes, intense workout regimens, expensive programs, and 1,200 calorie restrictions. Guess what? They didn’t work long-term. Instead of trying the same method over and over again, I’ve decided to go back to the basics and start slow. Small changes build over time! I set MyFitnessPal to 1,700 calories/day, and will be buying a new pair of running shoes tomorrow. Weightlifting would be my preference, but is not financially feasible at the moment, nor safe with tendonitis in both wrists. I used to love running, and I bet with some discipline and commitment, I could grow to enjoy it again.
I’ve always been an advocate for self-care, but it has always been a difficult aspect of my own life. For a couple years, I felt ashamed that I needed medications to function. Lately I’ve realized that the medications are a large part of what has gotten me to this point. Lexapro, for anxiety. Seroquel, for mood stability. Restoril, for sleep. I’ve even started joking about my “daily cocktail,” because really, it’s not a big deal. My mental illnesses are not going to just disappear because I want them to, or because I try REALLY hard not to feel anxious or depressed. Part of self-care will tie in with my fitness goals: I need to fuel my body with nutritious food, and partake in regular exercise to ward off anxiety and diminish insomnia.
924 days completed, and 278 days left of this hellacious experience. Every day I wonder why I chose the bachelor’s program instead of starting with an associate’s. TOO LATE NOW! So far, I have passed my Fundamentals, Nutrition, Pharmacology, and Pediatric HESIs (helps predict likelihood of passing the NCLEX (licensure examination upon completion of nursing program (I like parentheses))). I scored 779 on the Medical-Surgical HESI (benchmark at Mercy is 850), so I’ll be doing remediation over spring break in an effort to boost my score on version 2 of the HESI.
Nursing school has been going well so far – this semester has been the most difficult so far, and I hear that summer semester is going to be completely bonkers. Last semester will be a breeze – just gotta hang in there for another 5 months. Right now, I’m sitting at a C- in Nursing Concepts & Practice 320, which is worrisome, but I utilized most of my tax refund in the most responsible way possible – I bought three review textbooks, a critical thinking nursing textbook, and pharmacology memory notecards. If at all possible, I’d like to keep my GPA above 3.0 so grad school can be an option.
If anyone intends on going to Mercy for nursing, I’ll gladly show you where all the best places to cry are. =)
What I’m Reading
Judas Unchained (Peter F. Hamilton)
Furiously Happy: A Funny Book About Horrible Things (Jenny Lawson)
The Emperor of All Maladies: A Biography of Cancer (Siddhartha Mukherjee)
Olive Kitteridge (Elizabeth Strout)
Harry Potter & The Prisoner of Azkaban (J. K. Rowling)